Finding your people is so important in life but especially for families when you need support like you need air. The child with RAD is in a constant state of survival mode, therefore they can’t attach themselves to anyone, they don’t trust anyone and the more we try to connect the more they will pull away.
RAD parents, especially the primary caregiver of the child is also in a constant state of survival. We are holding our breath until the next outbreak. What are they going to say or do next? Who are they going to hurt next? When there is no support system then we feel alone and lost.
When doing my research, I have read that a lot of facilities that these kids end up in for a week or two don’t really do any good for the child at all. In our experience this was exactly the case. Our daughter was there for a week after she broke my wrist and when she came home, she acted like nothing happened and it was all over with, She said, “Mommy, I’m all better!” When we asked her what she did and what she learned she said she listened to music, talked with the therapist and the doctor a few times, and just played outside with her friends. I truly wanted to believe that maybe she did learn more then what she was expressing, but that wasn’t the case either. This was our first time in this situation, so we were so hopeful when she left. Unfortunately, she wasn’t “all better”. I was beyond mad! I thought we were going to get some real help, some real answers on what to do, that was not the case at all. They suggested that we put her in an extensive group therapy program that was online, 3 days a week for 3 hours each session, which of course we did. Once she started though we quickly realized it was not productive. Listening to the other kids in this group was only giving her ideas and making her behavior even worse! We put her on the wait list for an individual therapist but finding a new therapist in general is especially hard right now but finding one that specializes in RAD is even harder!
Other parents say that their experience is about the same and noted that this is more of a break for the parents then it is helpful for the child.
I feel very fortunate because my mother offered for my daughter to come live with her full time. My mom is my absolute best friend and biggest supporter. She knows my thoughts and how I talk so whenever my daughter does try to tell a lie my mom knows better! The fact that she sees what I have been experiencing is liberating. Someone finally sees what I see, IM NOT CRAZY!! We also have amazing doctors; they see it too! They have been with us through these entire processes of getting her diagnosed and helping us find the next steps, not just for our daughter but for our entire family.
I feel very fortunate to have the support system I do because I know for a lot of families this is not the case. For a lot of families, they continue how I was living for all these years, I don’t know how much longer I would have made it. Being in a constant state of alert is not healthy for anyone. Finding the support over the last 3 months has made a big difference. Find your people, I promise it will make you feel better. If you don’t have people, well we are now YOUR people. Message me, I will message you back and we can talk through whatever it is your feeling, you’re not alone anymore!
I am very big on faith, having it and believing in it. My mom has taught me at a young age, when it’s too much to bear, give it to God and he will be there to catch you, it may not make sense at the time and I have all too many times asked him, “WHY”? Why did he choose me to go through this? I’m not sure what that answer is just yet and I hope to figure it out. Maybe this is it. Maybe we can do that together.
- RAD Mama