It takes a lot to see someone else’s perception when you don’t agree with them, even more so when their perception hurts you emotionally and mentally.
So, when you find out that your child has a disorder and finally your life starts to make since, like that one lost puzzle piece you have been looking for finally shows up in the most random spot. How do you feel when some people are still looking for that missing piece? You’re holding it right in front of them, you see it, you know they see it, but they don’t admit to seeing it! How do you handle this?
Scream? Maybe but probably not.
We have people in our lives that don’t want to believe that RAD is real. They still want to believe the manipulation and lies they have been accustomed to all these years. RAD kids are amazing at manipulating! Honestly if I was being told my child is acting in a negative way, but I never saw that behavior, I can’t say I would believe the person telling me that my child is acting out over believing my child. If all I ever see is a sweet, helpful well-behaved child then something must be wrong with the person that is saying this about my child.
Every Parent/grandparent wants to believe their child is perfect, every parent (the ones that care for their children) wants the absolute best for their child, nobody wants to believe their child has issues, especially if they never see any of the issues themselves. So, I get it, I do but it still doesn’t make it right and it still doesn’t take away the damage it has caused.
Their perception is I am a bad Mom because of our RAD child’s manipulation towards them. They think that I don’t love my child enough, it makes me sick. I am her stepmom, but I have been raising her since she was almost 6! I don’t care what anyone says, that’s my kid. It’s their perception of what life is like for our daughter because what she likes to make them believe. SO, what do we do?
It has taken years of therapy for me to be able to ask myself 3 important questions when I am at a crossroad and full of anxiety about something.
#1: Is it true?
No, their perception of what our life is like isn’t true. I am a good mom, yes, I make mistakes, yes, I know my kids will go through the “my mom’s the worst” stage but I love them all unconditionally and would do anything for any one of them. So no, their perception is not true because I AM A GOOD MOM! Repeating something that you have been conditioned not to believe helps you realize the truth!
#2: Does it affect my life? Does it affect my kid’s life?
No, their opinion has no effect on my day-to-day life, nor does it have any effect on my children’s day-to-day life. My kids are very well taken care of in a loving home, a private school, and a big family that they can always talk to.
#3: Can I change it?
No, I can’t change somebodies mind that isn’t willing to see what is right in front of them, to admit they are wrong or even to just offer any kind of encouragement in the middle of the storm.
Asking yourself these three questions right in the middle of the storm whatever that storm may be is not an easy thing to do, especially when you are so hurt and so upset. I forget to ask myself these questions way too many times, but it does help when I do remember.
I have come to realize that the people that do want to know more about what this disorder is about and want to help are the kind of people we need in our lives. Perception is everything but everyone’s perception is not always factual.
POWER OF THE HOUR MAMA